Photo: Daddy & Papa West
What was your journey to having the family life you have today?We got married in 2012 and decided a year later that we were ready to start a family. At the time, Thomas was in the army, so it wasn’t until we arrived at our first duty station in Baltimore, Maryland (Fort Meade) when things started rolling. However, we suffered two failed adoptions before we became fathers to our two little girls.
Our first daughter Emma lived for only a few hours before she passed. It was a devastating experience and to this day, we still look back at that moment with such sadness. Our second adoption opportunity fell through when the birth mother changed her mind two weeks before giving birth. We were crushed, but the decision was hers, and hers only, so we had to respect it. After that, we reluctantly enrolled in a training program with the Baltimore City Department of Social Services to become foster parents with the hope of creating our family through foster-to-adoption. Once the program started, it became clear that we were the only same-sex couple taking the course and likely one of the few in their entire program.
After a few months, we received a call asking if we could take in a newborn. 45 minutes later, we brought our daughter Grace home for the first time. Then five weeks later, our second daughter Charlotte was born. It wasn’t our intention to adopt two babies, especially two babies who were only five-weeks apart, but that’s what happened.
On the night Charlotte was born, we were all getting settled into bed when our phone rang. We immediately recognized the number; It was the deputy director of the Baltimore City Dept. of Social Services. She said, “We have a newborn who is immediately available for adoption. Would you like to adopt her?” We both said yes before she was even able to finish asking her question. Then she asked, “Can you come to the hospital right now to meet your daughter?” It took us all but 15 minutes to get out of the house to go get our little girl.
While we’re excited to hit the road, we’re also aware that we might have negative encounters along the way. The worst incident we’ve experienced as a family happened not too long ago when we were in Annapolis, Maryland. A middle-aged man walked up behind us and saw that both of our girls were sleeping in their stroller. He asked us, “Where’d you get her from?” referring to Charlotte, our then-3-month-old African American daughter. His prejudice was clear and the whole situation left us startled and angry. Fortunately, we’ve had many more positive and meaningful interactions with strangers during our travels, and we plan to remain visible as we make our way through the country so more people can see how beautiful LGBTQ families can be.
What does Pride Month mean to you?For the two of us, Pride Month is a reminder of how far we’ve come, in regards to equality, and how far we still must go. It’s a reminder of those we have lost or those who have taken their own lives because of the struggles they’ve faced as members of the LGBTQ community. Pride month is also a time that makes us feel so proud of who we are. We make an effort to be as visible as possible during Pride so others in the community can feel more comfortable with who they are. Our goal is to ensure that everyone, no matter who you are, can live out their lives unapologetically and as their authentic selves.
What’s your favorite thing about parenting?The growth we see from our girls is astounding and every day is a new adventure for us. We especially love when we hear and see our girls act out the lessons we’ve taught them about being an inclusive, active citizen.
What’s the hardest part?One of the hardest parts is having our girls grow up in such uncertain times. Our current political climate and the environment have become so toxic that we hope our generation and our kids’ generation can do enough to improve the planet and society as a whole.
How do you find time for yourself and your relationship?Finding time for us is still a challenge. Thomas is always home with the girls, so it is often difficult for him to find time to step away and take care of himself. However, as we transition to becoming a traveling family, we hope that our time spent together on the road will afford us more time to nurture our relationship. We also plan to rely on our network of family and friends to help lighten our load.
What’s the best advice you can share with new parents?Everyone says that having kids “will change your life,” and they aren’t kidding. It’s a roller coaster, no doubt about it, but every day there are new and amazing things that far outweigh the negatives. We’re definitely looking forward to growing our family in the near future and we may even start publicly fundraising so we can have biological children of our own, with the help of a surrogate, before adopting again.
What would you want your kids to say about you as a parent?We would want our girls to say that we did everything we could to give them the tools to inspire others and that nothing was ever out of their reach.
source: people.com
