Admit it — you ’ve had mad science fantasy where you ’re put in charge of a multi - billion dollar scientific introduction . particularly one that has destructive capacity . I ’ve always require to use a bang-up scientific facility to do something dismaying . Here are my six favorite thought for twisting legendary scientific institutions to my own nefarious ends . Mwahaha !
1 . The Global Seed Vault Becomes Thunderdome
The Global Seed Vault is on the archipelago of Svalbard , in Norway . It ’s build into the side of a mountain , and hosts the back - up copies of seeds in casing of an orbicular disaster . government worldwide fund it , and factor money box donate cherished seeds to it for verify that the richness of life , and the makings of human victuals do not terminate if the worst should go on . If I got it , I would build up a big fort around it , staff it with a group of fanatically fast cultists , and do my best to verify the worst happened .
And then they ’d come cringe to me . Oh yes . They ’d all come crawl to Esther . To get a picture of what I ’d be like , think Tina Turner in Thunderdome , but with a nose candy theme . I ’d make world leaders battle to the death , then dance for my delight . I ’d force leading scientist to make misshapen animal creations to satisfy my palate and terrorize my enemy . I ’d have people whistle deep - voiced song at my gate like the Wicked Witch of the West . In fact , I ’d probably utilise the very stem she did . What ’s anyone gon na do about it ? I have all the seeds . I have all . The . Seeds .
2 . The Large Hadron Collider ’s New Physics Mercenary Division
I would actively attempt to use the LHC to create a black jam . But this is just a technicality , since I absolutely believe that the scientist at the LHC are doing that right now . How could anyone not ? Every time I go to youtube I find a TV in which masses have used the technicality video game to create thing like car catapults and giant group dancing sequences . Every daytime I find people using polyvinyl chloride pipe and hairspray to make potato cannons . Do n’t recite that a lot of physical science nerds with easy access to both Oktoberfest and Amsterdam are n’t trying to make a black hole . The difference between me and them is this – from the moment day of reckoning nutjobs bulge out say the the LHC might produce a dim hole , I would have been craftily seek to get more information out of them . “ Oh I do n’t remember it ’ll make a black hole . What operations , for case , do you guess would be the most risky ? Really ? Well what if we modified it ? ”
Sure , they could have caught on , but if they did , all I ’d need is a good team of mercenaries to kidnap them and a few month . Then , when they ’d done their work for me , I could throw them into the black golf hole . I do n’t know which I ’d wish more , the science or the caustic remark .
3 . The Scourge of the International Bureau of Weights and step
There are some thing that do not lend themselves to easy fantasy , and some things that do . The International Bureau of Weights and Measures is one that does . Perhaps that ’s a role of its being in France . I care to visualize long amble on the Seine , eating croissants and wassail chocolat chaud , and then , perhaps , in the afternoon , before dinner , changing the length of the beat just that little chip . The next morning I would wake up and coup d’oeil at the newspaper to see if there were any more problem on building sites , or whether the BMI for the world had gone down . Or up . I have n’t quite decided how I desire to skew Irish pound and kilograms yet . I ’d credibly descale kg down and pound up , just to get under the skin of the state that are metric . That ’ll show them for using a sensible pedestal ten arrangement of measurement and eating more veg .
4 . The Environmental Protection Agency Has a posse comitatus
Not all of my ideas for what do with these means are through - and - through iniquity . For instance , I ’d like the EPA to continue monitoring the environmental status across the Carry Nation . That ’s important . It ’s just that , instead of having them work for environmental protective covering through sound and administrative TV channel , I would want them to have an Old West style posse . No , not an Unforgiven - style posse . A Paint Your Wagon style posse comitatus , with pastel shirts and neckerchiefs . I ca n’t describe how much playfulness it would be to just cut through that legal material , drive in somewhere , call the director of a certain society a “ varment , ” and make him rally out of townspeople on a rail . There would be so much more than that , though . There would be lassoings , and tar - and - featherings , and shoot - out in corrals . Come on . This is the one agency where it ’s your problem to yell things like , “ Somebody ’s poisoned the waterhole ! ” If life give you an chance like that , you have to jell the stagecoach around it .
5 . International Space Agencies Get Napoleonic on the moonshine
Here ’s my position on running space agency : we ’re going to live on the Moon , and then on Mars . That ’s what ’s going to take place now . And if I ’d draw the EPA like a 1960s westerly , I ’d run NASA , and the residual of them , like one of the more brutal movies about British naval inspection and repair during the Napoleonic war . If you have too intoxicated in a legal profession , you ’d wake up up in a biodome , or working on a aquiculture laboratory , or swabbing a shuttle . If any infinite office resist us , we ’d snipe and pillage them . If anyone in the way protested , there would be whipping . On the other hand , there would also be rations of rum , and plenty of limes . So there would be balance .
I like to call back that I would then hurl people towards distant space rock music without any respect for human aliveness , because that ’s the kind of thing that sounds groovy in an necrology , peculiarly if it ’s followed by , “ but she got results ! ” Still , I cerebrate that if I did something like that I would get to the obituary without having the necessary time to get results . peradventure , though , I could go the social scapegoat round of golf . Lunar punishable Colony . Martian religious separationist . Greedy meteorite speculators . It ’s worked before .
6 . The International Space Station and Supervillainy
Oh there are so many possibility ! For one thing , I ’d desire to check off out what I ’d learned about fires in space . On Earth hot strain rises , leave space for fresh atomic number 8 to pelt along in and keep the ardour going . In space , the used up oxygen just expands with the gas around the blast and often cash in one’s chips the firing out . Then again , Mir was once almost put down by a firing that was help bya faulty oxygen canister . I ’d care to see dissimilar fires under different conditions . Plus , I mean Space Arsonist is belike the best line title ever .
That One sentence a Fire Almost Destroyed the Mir Space Station
Then again I might employ the station to aim killer laser at the Earth and commence a calling in supervillainy . Or just to draw my name on various things .
But I call back my preferent plan involves kidnapping Jim Lovell and Tom Hanks — the astronaut in the ill - designate Apollo 13 delegation and the worker who played him . Both did their jobs in zero in force gravity – Lovell in outer space and Hanks on a swoop aircraft . This is a condition I could only recreate for foresightful stretches on the quad place . First I ’d have Lovell watch Apollo 13 , the movie , and cheer the performance . Then I ’d have Hanks recreate that operation . Then I ’d get Lovell to repair that . The mansion house of mirror of performances would get stretch and distorted forever , fuse the three disciplines of the day , the arts , the science , and the remaking . It might seem like a dissipation , but hey , that ’s why I ’m not in guardianship .
Yet .
NASAScience
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